Bridget Jones: The Horror Version (Yes, that's right!)

This was another English Language exercise; we had to translate a passage from Bridget Jones' Diary from its romantic genre into another. So I chose horror! This was really good fun, but pretty much the only creative writing we did on the two-year course! I was somewhat disappointed.

As you will discover, I have shifted the narrator from Bridget to Daniel [I had to look that up!] and, well, yeah, you should be able to see what I have done language-wise. Enjoy.

She was sitting at her desk. Just sitting there. She terrified me. And yet the sorceress intrigued me. Her commitment was… unnatural. Something wasn’t right. I panicked! What should I do? She showed no interest in me. I could feel a cold sweat on my forehead. This was critical. I knew I couldn’t talk with her. That would only bring about my destruction. But I had to talk to her! I couldn’t explain why; I just had to.

I eventually decided that the safest way to communicate with her was via email. I quickly typed a message and sent it to her. No response. No reaction whatsoever. Not even a flicker of her gorgeous eyelashes. I sent another email. Still no reaction. My heart was racing, drumming against my ribs.

The sorceress’ apprentice left. She was alone now. Her seductive power was at its strongest. I had to resist. I had to be strong! The smooth contours of her body tantalised me. The temptation was incredible. I couldn’t just sit there whilst she sat there on her perfectly formed behind. I stood up, my legs quaking beneath me like those of an elderly man. What was I doing? I felt a fool, but my body was divided. My mind told me to stay behind and resist the enchantress. But my body wanted her. The siren’s fairness sang to me with its soft song of seduction. My legs started moving. I approached her. She still refused to give me the attention that I sought. I collapsed before her, hopelessly. There was no going back now. “My love,” I cried to her, unable to control my tongue. “Why do you ignore me?”

Driving In Nairobi - It's A Jungle!

This is from an activity that we had to do in English for my A-levels. I drew on my life experience from the three years I spent living in Nairobi, Kenya. There was a 100 word word-limit.

I just found it lurking in a folder and I am proper getting into this posting thing, so here it is! October 2009 is going to be disproportionately large next to the months yet to come.

Weathered cars who have seen better days chug their way around burrows in the wild, unruly tarmac. Displeased engines growl savagely as rude, painted matatus squawk like fluorescent, obnoxious parrots as they cut impatient queues. “Keep death off the roads. Drive on the pavements.” People leap for their lives as they’re parted by arrogant rhinos of metal charging through the city as if they’re the next big thing.

Outside the caging gates of the shopping centre, hawkers prowl. Cheap and tacky merchandise are thrust against the glass of cars. Staring faces of the natives watch the pale-faced invaders.